Esthee H.

Sorry for the lack of updates!

Have been so busy preparing for our BIG DAY on my off days that I barely have enough sleep. Just yesterday I was so tired that I knocked myself out from 4 pm to this morning 7 am. >.<

I feel as though I have a thousand things that I've done and I want to blog about them but there's also a thousand things not done too.

Oh well, let's take it one step at a time and a reminder to self - not to be overwhelmed by these things and always enjoy the process of it!

I am slightly overwhelmed but rest assured that I really am enjoying every part of it. It makes me feel that there's so much to look forward to and getting married is NOT just about signing a piece of paper together. It's about working together to decide on things, asking and respecting each other's opinion, persuading the other why you'd prefer to have things done in a certain way, etc. Working together on the wedding makes us both feel the excitement at the same time.

I've always thought I might be a little bit of a Bridezilla but I think we're good so far. (oops)
Hopefully others feel the same way.

Speaking of which, I've bought bridesmaid dresses for my 姐妹s! Set up a group chat and asked them if they had any strong objection to certain colours or styles so I could keep that in mind while searching for dresses but nobody replied. I think they're too shy to speak their minds in the group chat since not all of them know everyone else, but I texted one of them jokingly and said "No opinions then I buy Flintstone pattern toga for you, you gotta wear okay?"

But anyway, I later on realised that it was a bad idea to ask them without giving any ideas or references. Too many options available. 7 bridesmaids, 7 opinions and 7 preferences. >.<

So my cousin helped out and found me this taobao link which had rather beautiful dresses at like less than 10sgd per dress. Looked good on pictures, had more than enough decent reviews, so I thought why not?

This is how it looks like on the website.



How it looked like in real life.





If you look closely, you can see how the dresses have got excess material around the chest and the waist that is absolutely unflattering. And mind you, this was size S which I had problem zipping up because it was not only tight but the zip was also lousy, and yet there was excess material on the outside!!! Lousy workmanship, that's all I can say.

Plus, it wasn't exactly that cheap cos shipping was about another $6, so it was about $16 for a piece of lousy, ugly looking dress.

So no more Taobao. At least not this dress. I think my bridesmaids will be freaking bitter and angry deep inside if I made them wear these.



My dear cousin, Elvina, then offered to go shopping with me on polling day. Yay to public holiday thanks to polling day! My friend Daphne told me that City Plaza at Paya Lebar sells alot of bridesmaid dresses so we decided to go check it out. Came across this shop that sells convertible dresses at $32 each if buying in bulk, $39 if just 1 piece.



Quality was good and the sales lady was so nice to help us tie different styles. But at $32 a piece, we were quite sure that online sells such convertible dresses at a very similar price. (Quality was definitely better than the ones from blogshops)

So we decided to KIV this store and check out other blogshops like
http://flymetoparis.com/,
http://www.dressabelle.com.sg/dsb/shop-all/convertible-bridesmaid-dresses-singapore.html,
http://www.intoxiquette.com/category/bridesmaids.

The good thing about buying from these blogshops is that they often have got retail stores so you can physically go down and check out the dresses yourself. Feel the quality, workmanship and try out the sizes too. Of these three blogshops, Intoxiquette sells their kneelength convertible dresses cheapest at $30 each. They've also got a wider range of colours too.

However, we found Meow Meow Shop on Qoo10 selling the same knee-length convertible dresses at $29.90 and they had a retail shop at Paya Lebar Square, so we headed over there.

Tried on three different colours because we were too paiseh to try everything.

Check out my cousin modelling for us!


Yellow, my favourite because it reminds me of Belle. Looks so good on fair-skinned cousin but it's a very unconventional colour and we were afraid that it wouldn't suit everyone's skin tone.


Blue  - Looked so sweet on its own but seems like a very school-girl uniform sort of colour after putting it on.


Mint - My favourite of all, after yellow! Looks like peppermint ice cream too, no?




Back view of one of the ways you can tie the dress. Please pardon the sexy bra.

Pleasnt surprise when I got home today!

Check out this hugeeee parcel waiting in the living room for me so patiently. Hee.




Well, not that much of a surprise since I was already sort of expecting it to arrive these few days.

But still, it's always a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling when you receive a special mail, isn't it?

Look how our names are written all over the package!







Some people like to wait until the wedding is over before they share the photos online, so there's still the surprise for guests attending the wedding. But in my honest opinion, guests at your wedding usually won't pay too much attention to your pre-wedding photos simply because there are too many other things to focus on! So I really do think it's okay to share a couple of photos on social media now. Also has the effect of building up the excitement prior to the wedding.

Here's a sneak peak of some of my favourite ones. Actually, all the pictures were so well taken that almost every single one of them are my favourite, :)








Are you coming to our wedding??? :D

Photo credits Hallyusg.net

Warning: Complete fangirl mode turned on!!! 

This post will be entirely on 신화, a Korean boyband whom I've been a fan of for 13 years now so if you're anti-Kpop, you can BYE BYE now. 



So super sad they didn't include Singapore in their concert tour this time round, but it's totally understandable considering the hiccups throughout their last concert here in 2012. I saw the screw-ups happening right before me cos I was in the front row of the mosh pit. Stood about 10 feet away from the stage! (Pictures later!)

They were so bad that you could tell even being seasoned performers that they are, were distracted and annoyed during their performance. I don't know if it's our local backstage staff that couldn't handle the problem or they didn't have authority to decide, but they had to come onstage during the show and dragged Eric away to settle it. Since when did the artistes themselves have to solve technical issues on stage, poor them. I guess this is what happens when you're your own boss. T.T



But anyway, their Seoul concert in 2014 - "Shinhwa The Legend Continues" was made in 3D film and screened here in SG with Golden Village!
Find out more here at x-clusive.sg

I think it's their way of making it up to their fans across the globe for not bringing the show live to them this time.
And also, make a bit more money with a DVD, I guess. Haha in any case, still a win-win situation.



So one Sunday I watched it with my usual Shinhwa-gang, my sis/muriel/xuanzi and fiancé-who-gets-dragged-into-all-shinhwa-related-stuff. 

The show is actually just cuts from the concert of their more popular hits and some interviews. They didn't even show whole concert! 
$22 for one ticket, omg so expensive. X.X

It was in 3D but honestly, the 3D is quite redundant.
Certainly doesn't justify for the $22/tix but still, #supportshinhwaalltheway #mustshowsupport #shinhwachangjo



It was fun getting into fangirl mode once again but it was a bit odd maintaining theater etiquette when you're watching a Kpop boyband concert. 

I wanted to cheer loudly, sing along off-pitch, and take out an orange lightstick to wave in the air. 

I think everyone else in the theater were just like me! I could hear them suppressing their oooohs and aaaahhs and girly giggles each time a member appears on that MEGA huge screen. UPCLOSE SHOT somemore, you can even look into their nostrils! Even their nostrils look so charming, omg.

Wahaha Beauty in the eyes of the beholder.

Super teenager-like with no self-control, I know. But it's 신화! 15 years and they look not much different then and now, so why should a fangirl of 13 years behave any differently then and now too? ㅋㅋ


But it's an undeniable fact that years did go by.


Being in the pop industry is harsh and we've seen countless of other groups get torn apart. Even the money-making ones like H.O.T, TVXQ, SNSD, Wonder Girls, etc. It's a cruel reality where your worth diminishes when you're no longer fresh. Even if you've still got what it takes, or that you're still generating tons of money, you're not indispensable. (Look at poor barbie-face Jessica and multi-talented JYJ. T.T)



I think it's especially the fact that this industry they make a living out of is so constantly evolving, that highlights how amazing it is for 신화 to still remain strong today.


Sure they don't look like they've aged much. But we all know deep down how time has passed.


Fans that queued up overnight or chased them around in minivans are now watching them on TV at home, nursing babies or cooking for husbands.
I'm not at that stage yet though. I guess I'm at the not-aware-of-concert-schedules-cos-no-longer-stalking-forums-and-cyworlds stage now. Boy, do forums still exist?


But not being physically active doesn't mean you've changed emotionally as well. How should I put it...
OK, how about this.
Since we've accepted the fact that we will never marry them physically, doesn't mean that we are no longer attracted to them?




Emotions can be very powerful. I think the logical brain works in a way which is usually very intricately intertwined with our emotions, as much as we try hard to separate both. For example, if you are attracted to someone, you tend to attribute it to a logical reason like he's got nice eyes, cute smile or a hunky body, etc. Who will admit that they're just attracted because of lust?

Well I admit.
In my case, lust for this man lasted for 13 years. >.<
#sibeihot

Kim Dong Wan from Shinhwa

Kim Dong Wan from Shinhwa

I think many a time, others are unable to understand the obsession with pop stars.

Actually, at this age now, I honestly find it a little hard to understand why people are obsessed with Justin Bieber or One Direction. But I guess they are what appeal to the young generation these days, so yeah. Gone are the days of Backstreet Boys, young men with sexy, trimmed mustache who sang soothing ballads. Now is the age of skinny, pretty looking boys who wear brightly summer-coloured jeans and dance to hip-hop.


Honestly speaking, many people take girls' obsession with celebrities as a laughing joke.
But I really beg to differ.

I know on the surface, when you look at media's coverage on how fans queue under the hot sun at fan-signing events, or even at the airport's arrival hall, these girls look damn silly screaming their lungs out. For god's sake, some even lose it and cry when the artistes appear! I think that at that young tender age as a poor student then, all the money spent on buying their CDs and attending their concerts is equivalent to what you'd earn in 1 to 3 months as a working adult.  



But let me tell you that I never regretted all the time and money invested in my obsession with these pop stars and here's why.


Positive Influence

In Primary school, I was listening to BSB, N'Sync, Britney Spears, who exposed me to American English and culture. Westlife, A1, Spice Girls, Atomic Kitten exposed me to British English and culture and I learnt the difference between these 2 accents at a young age.

Also, it was thanks to Britney and BoA who inspired me to pick up dance. Watching them dance on screen gave me motivation to move like them. And so I turned that inspiration into reality.
Today, dance to me, isn't just moving my body to pop songs. It's a form of expression using my body and music. It's a kind of liberation for my emotions.
It is also through dance that I learnt perseverance through body sweat, as well as mental strength.

Learning a foreign language

In Secondary school, the F4 and 5566 Taiwanese pop culture came and left but my Mandarin language never improved. It was probably due to the fact that I was quickly influenced by Korean Pop in upper secondary. I was watching Korean variety shows (without subtitles, mind you) and sang along at the top of my lungs by randomly making out what the lyrics sounded like to me. At 16, I already picked up basic Korean language phrases and could watch Korean dramas without subtitles!

For some reason, Korean drama never uses complicated language so it was always easy to learn Korean language while watching them.

Sidetrack: Favourite Drama in 2004. Bawled like a baby even though it was so cheesy. Fell in love with Kim Tae Hee here!

Image Credits: Wikipedia

That was in 2004 when nobody here in Singapore was into Korean culture yet, so I'd like to think of myself as rather clever to have picked up a foreign language on my own without much exposure to it in my everyday life. :)

In 2015 now, my Korean language abilities has definitely improved to more than just understanding Korean dramas. It is still a far cry from being proficient, but I'm glad I've picked up a foreign language.

I also manged to pick up minimal Japanese language thanks to BoA's songs. Some J-pop Ayumi Hamasaki Fan used to blast her music throughout the neighbourhood and I'd blast BoA's music back. Poor neighbourhood. Hahaha. Stopped listening to her songs on replay mode now, but play me any of her songs and I'm pretty sure I can still sing them.

Made friends with similar interests

I also spent all my time downloading musicbank performances on IRC chat groups (boy, those existed back then!) and made friends quickly with fellow kpop fans over the internet. Some of these friendships are still rock solid up to this day. :)
*shout-out to Muriel & Sophia*




As of today, I'm no longer a die-hard fan but I think I've retired along with most other fans of my era. Fellow Shinhwa fans around my age have gotten married with kids. I've even heard Shinhwa themselves joked about how fans would write to them and ask if it was okay for them to marry now since they've already chased them for 10 years. I think it's amazing time has passed and yet, nothing has changed much? I'm not quite good at putting this in words but it's how time has gone by and we've seen so many bands fall apart, yet Shinhwa's friendship and bond remain strong. I know it seems really silly, but it is through watching them and their strong ties, that constantly reminds me of how friendships are possible through effort. Sometimes, external factors may cause people drift away, doubt themselves, or even believe that they'd shine better alone. But at the end of the day, support for one another is the strong power for one to shine.




Okay, enough talk for now. This is one hell of a lengthy post just to talk about my idols of 13 years.


Pictures from their "THE RETURN" concert in 2012, Singapore where Muriel, Sophia and I stood front row at the moshpit!
It was thanks to Muriel and Sophia who queued up early in the morning while I went to work that day. Thanks girls!

When the doors opened and security personnel were checking their bags, I made a smart move and maneuvered myself out of sight. RAN FOR MY LIFE FOR THE FRONT MOST CORNER OF THE MOSHPIT! Never ran so fast before I think.


Their first concert in 2006, I remember Ee Keng and I queued up overnight at Singapore Indoor Stadium. The security guard told us to go home because we weren't supposed to spend the night there but we begged him because it was so important to us. He pitifully agreed to allow us to be at the front of the queue when morning comes but we had to go home for the night. We went back unwillingly but when we returned the next morning, there were already a few lines since no proper fence were set up yet and the security guard was nowhere to be seen!

We had no choice but to join the line but a couple of hours later, the same security guard showed up, looked for us and pulled us out of the line. PLACED US IN FRONT and announced that the queue starts from here.

Uncle, I don't know where you are now but I'm sure a kind and fair soul like you will be blessed for the rest of your life. UNCLE I LOVE YOU!


Okay, pictures now. "THE RETURN" concert in 2012, Singapore.




I told you, front row! This was how close we were to the stage. Can you imagine the excitement I was when I secured this spot?! I almost peed in my pants.

Speaking of which, I really wanted to pee like just before the show was about to start. Muriel told me to hold it but I knew there was no way that I could.

So i literally squeezed my way out of the crowd by shouting "SORRY I HAVE TO PEE, I WILL COME BACK!" and then announcing loudly "SORRY I WAS IN FRONT JUST NOW, I WENT TO PEE!" as I shamelessly made my way back through. >.<



The gang at the concert! Me, Sophia's sister, Muriel, Sophia and her friend. (From left to right)


My dongsaeng who re-used her banner from the Euphoria concert in 2004? Simple, but served its purpose well!

This girl is my favourite concert-goer of all time. I remember how at both concerts, 전진 would so coincidentally stand in front of us and at both concerts, respond to our constant screaming for his name by waving to us. We'd give up on cheering for 민우 and 동완 because 전진 responded much better to us.

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Pictures all taken with my Samsung Galaxy S5 with absolutely NO editing done. SO SHARP, SO CLEAR AND SO NEAR RIGHT!




WATCHING THEM LIVE SO UPCLOSE, MY LIFE IS FULFILLED.




I have some videos too, a bit lazy to upload them now. But I'd be most willing to share should anyone be keen on them. :D

Waiting here at a clinic to get my 2nd dose of vaccine and there's a free show entertaining everyone here. It's so dramatic I think even Channel 8 drama can't win this.

It's 11 and there are two staff behind the registration counter and they are having a blast - going all out at each other about a mistake one of them has made.

So apparently, a patient turned up in the morning claiming that she had booked an appointment through phone but for some reason, the appointment wasn't reflected in the computer system.
She insists that she called in and spoke to someone regarding her change in appointment. Staff who is handling the situation decides to find out which colleague of hers this patient spoke to.


Let me recount the dialogue.



(Presumably) Senior Staff:  Eh, this patient says she called in to change her appointment. But appointment not reflected in system leh. Is it you who helped her make the appointment?

(Again, I presume) Junior Staff: I don't know leh.

Senior Staff: How can you don't know? It's not me. It must be you, or XXX.

Junior Staff: I cannot remember.

Senior Staff: I think it must be you. 

She then turns to the patient and asks the patient to identify the voice that she spoke with on the phone, dragging the poor patient into this whole drama.

Patient: I'm not sure.

Senior Staff to Junior Staff: It must be you lah. Come, show me how you change an appointment on the computer.

Junior staff does as she is told, and senior staff finds every opportunity to tell her that she's doing it wrong. 
IN THE PRESENCE OF ALL OF US THERE.




At this moment, I have lost all respect for this bitch human being.

1). it's a shame that their phone appointment has obviously failed, resulting in the patient having to wait since now there's no slot for her.

2). Instead of finding a solution for the patient, she's determined to find out which colleague of hers made the mistake. The patient is still waiting.

3). She's accusing her colleague without concrete proof. Again, I repeat - in front of everyone.

4). It's all in broken English and how dare you conduct this conversation loud and clear, obviously meaning for everyone to watch you reprimand her.

5). She's guiding the colleague on how to use the computer system, while keeping us all waiting. Hello, we all just want to see the doctor and zao. Nobody's interested in watching your drama but we don't have a choice since you're so f*cking loud and plus now the registration process can't go on with them doing this nonsense.



It is a good 15 minutes since my appointment timing and I'm not even registered yet thanks to your inefficiency and unnecessary drama. Wasting everyone's time.

Best of all, she continued her work and told the patient she had to wait since there's no appointment slot for her.

I registered. Waited for my number to flash. Went in. Got my injection. Came out.

AND THE DRAMA IS STILL ONGOING!

Good lord, can't she just give it a break?!
I am so tired of hearing her kaobei the other colleague I wonder how she's not tired at all.

As I was leaving the clinic, they're closing for lunch break and the poor patient STILL hasn't seen a doctor.
They told her to come back after lunch. WTF.




Okay, this sort of stuff happens all the time and I seldom rant about random minute happenings in life, but I am seriously utterly disgusted by her behavior.

This is not just office politics, it's outright bullying! She was deliberately humiliating her colleague in public and obviously enjoying it too. Yes, if a colleague made a mistake and caused you unnecessary inconvenience, I get it that you're pissed off. But you deal with it behind closed doors! It was simply awful watching them wash their dirty linen in public.

 I don't know why she had to air the entire episode of finger-pointing free-of-charge to a public audience but I think such people either have problems dealing with their own emotions privately, hence the public meltdown, or they simply derive sick delight at the expense of others.

Either way it still reflects badly on themselves. These people themselves don't see how ugly they are.

Some people are horrible like that. Of course, I've seen my fair share of such bullies, mainly at work.
But seeing how narrow-minded these people are actually makes me feel sorry for how pathetically small their lives are. If such bullying can help them feel a little bit better about themselves, then by all means, do a good deed for these pathetic souls once in a while.

Ok, enough rant for now. KTNXBYE.

Blogging this while having my lunch outside because dining alone gives me solitude and a certain sort of inner peace, it's like somehow it opens up a passage to thoughts that are buried underneath.

Don't you get that sometimes? When you are alone and your brain opens itself to endless thoughts and possibilities and you get this surge of inspiration to write?

 Ok maybe it's just talkative people like me who feel a constant need to express their every thought out loud. So I guess when I'm alone and there's no one to listen to me, I turn to my writing platform. Incessant need to express my thoughts out loud. WTF.

Writing while dining! Like so atas right?
But honestly, I'm actually sharing tables with random strangers who can't even be bothered to ask me if the seats are occupied, having Lor Mee and sweating away in a coffee shop at heartland Toa Payoh Central.

This weather. I cannot take it. Still wanna drink hot Teh-C and eat Lor Mee.
#auntieorwhat

Coffee Shop at Blk 177 Toa Payoh Central

Soooooooooo many people were having this Lor Mee! Walked into the coffee shop and everyone was having this so it must be really good.

SO NOT.

Typical Singaporeans all monkey see, monkey do. Wahaha.

Teh-C was so good though! Smooth without the "siap siap" texture of the tea. Love it.



Went to Toa Payoh Central to stock up on living essentials simply because they have Pink Beauty and Venus there, which sells stuff like shampoo and sanitary pads cheaper.

#auntiemax

Gosh what have I become?

Today's weight lifting - checked. Carried all these home on my arms!



I was texting a friend yesterday about how we don't seem to be earning enough, despite having a decent paying job. Salary that gets credited flows out in a flash. And I'm not an extravagant person yo.

My most expensive spending in a month is probably at DrX, on facials and products. T.T DrX is really mother-expensive but what to do? 爱美不要命. Having a clear complexion means a huge deal to me. Battling with acne is not a fight of its own. It's also an internal battle with my confidence and self-worth, which I honestly, lose very pathetically without much of a fight. Acne is alot better now, though I'm still experiencing occasion breakouts that take ultra long to heal. Going for regular facials and using their products do help me to keep it under control.

So spending on dermatology is a need for me. Compared to food and transport, this really comes close.

Other than that, I honestly do not spend much on other things. Occasional social gatherings that include some wine, theatre and entertainment really does burn quite a hole in the pocket. That hole in the pocket then ends up burning a hole in my heart too. Such hard earned money gone like spilt water. Good for the fiancé who has passed the period of bringing me on impressive dates.

Honestly, it's insane! Cost of living here is akin to Paris or England. NO WAIT, we're now the new Switzerland.
I'm glad that my country is doing well, I really am. I'm grateful for the cleanliness, efficiency, safe environment, high quality of life, etc. I really am grateful.

But what we're really lacking is satisfaction with life. We're as expensive as Switzerland, but we work doubly hard every single moment of our working life and naturally,  have half the rest and family time they do. When work and the constant worry about finance bugs you, it consumes you almost entirely. I don't blame us for being ungracious and selfish on the trains. Afterall, who wouldn't be if some people worked all day and would never be able to afford their own car? Or if you worked for half of your life and you've still got a housing debt to pay off? Public housing that houses maximum 4 to 6 adults (5 may be a bit pushing it already), loaned to you for at most 99 years. LOANED, mind you. With basic sanitary fittings included but floor tiles and doors provided at an additional charge.  😂

Let's not even talk about retirement.
What retirement? Does this word even exist for the average Singaporean? Everyday I look at the poor elderly who still clear dishes at hawker centers or bring coffee to patrons at coffee shops. Cleaners too. My heart aches everytime I look at them. You never see elderly doing these odd-jobs anywhere else in the world.

I know this is a very general claim that I'm making and that perhaps we are better off than how I described it.
But you get the gist.

It's suffocating when inflation is happening mad fast but salary is more stagnant than the bucket of water that breeds mosquitoes.

Even in Europe, employees suka-suka just go on strike anytime, anywhere. Yes, it takes plenty of strikes until a change has been made. But at least they get to enjoy a break from work during their strikes and ricebowls  remain intact.




Well I guess that's enough complaining for now.
Signing off!

Went to Gymboxx for the first time. Triple the price of government gym but NO towels, NO water dispenser, NO free lockers and NO hot showers. WTF, I happily went thinking they how atas, so expensive. Stepped in and to my horror, no difference from PA gyms, only difference was the crowd and how it reeked of sweat and body odour. Gymboxx was the more crowded and smelly one, yes.

Not worth the hype at all. Only good thing about it is that it's opened 24 hours. But really, no towels or water dispenser???