Important things such as precious weekends and PH to spend with loved ones here, birthday parties and important festivals, dance concerts where I'd see my friends shine/I might shine, etc.
Having a roster also means that it was tough planning for Backstreet Boys World tour in Shanghai, my beloved Shinhwa's concert in Korea, or even simple things like meeting up with friends.
There were plenty of things I had to give up, many things I miss. And i must admit I haven't danced in a year or so. Dance used to be my everything. Did I trade this part of me for something else? I feel like I did. I have no idea how taking on something else makes you have to give up something. Is it the lack of strength, lack of will? Have I not enough time? How is it possible that others with corporate jobs are able to chiong to studios after work despite slogging from 9am -5pm the entire day?
But then I realize that everything in life, why we do certain things we do, is really just one's own priority. We all have 24 hours a day, we have a choice. You simply choose what you want to do with the time on your hands. For a period of time, I gave all my time to dance. Months after months given to dance practices and rehearsals for that few minutes on stage. And why did that few minutes matter so much? Why did I feel like I was glowing and why was my smile so enormous?
Because dancing made me feel alive.
It made me feel like I was living. Amidst the insane Uni life that overwhelmed me with texts, lectures, mountains of research papers and essays and much more. I supposed dance was my escape from reality then. And I liked it. Even if the practices and rehearsals ate into all of my time. Even if it gave me nothing in return but that feeling of being alive. No cash, no time for non dancer family and friends, nothing. Just that feeling of self-fulfillment I get on stage.
So I wondered how it was possible that something I used to love so much has given way unknowingly. What did I live on before dance? And it struck me that I used to be love sports so much. I used to be an athlete and won medals all the time. I played sports and loved volleyball with all my heart. Volleyball made me feel alive. The adrenaline, the sweat, the way i'd jump with all my might for that spike.
I can't explain the intensity of being in a game.
But with time, volleyball gave way to dance.
I still love volleyball, but I chose dance over it. Simply because I couldn't afford the time for both. And I think it's the same way now, that Dance is giving way for something else. But I think that's how life goes - that we all have different priorities at different point in life.
And I think I might have given up dance because I found something else to make me feel alive.
Sure, as I've mentioned, I also have to sacrifice plenty of things.
But it is also allowed my dream to come true. I have been to so places I would never have imagined. I cuddled a lion cub in South Africa, I watched an opera in London, I sat on a gondola in Venice, I've heard the prayers from the blue mosque in Istanbul, I went to the Red Square in Moscow, I saw how traffic is like in India... and so much more! In a single week, I could be in so many places having cuisines from all over the world. It is a dream, and I am totally living it.
Okay, Imma post some pictures so you know I'm not bullshitting!
Eiffel Tower - Paris, France
Near Ayasofya - Istanbul, Turkey
Warwick Castle at Warwickshire - Avon, England, United Kingdom.
Me and my red boots in the Red Square, Moscow Russia
Me on top of Duomo di Milano - Milan, Italy.
San Francisco Bay - California, USA.
Brooklyn Bridge, Manhattan - New York City, USA
The Peak - Central/中環, Hong Kong
Meiji Shrine 明治神宮 at Shibuya - Tokyo, Japan
Somewhere in Christchurch, might have been Highcliffe cliff top? - South Island of New Zealand
Klompenmakerij/Woden Shoe Clog Workshop and Museum - Amsterdam, Holland
Burma Railway/Death Railway/Burma-Siam Railway, River Kwai, Thailand
Mum and I doing it the traditional way, donning on the Vietnamese hats. Somewhere in Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
Modern Toilet Restaurant 便所主题餐厅 at Ximending 西门町 - Taipei, Taiwan
Gyeongbokgung 경복궁, Kyungbok Palace - Seoul, South KoreaOkay la, enough spamming.Got carried away, cos pics all too awesome alr couldn't help myself. HAHA.
Bloody hell, it was so difficult choosing ONE single picture to represent my entire trip at each country!
Sure enough, I do not know weekends, nor day and night. I could be sleeping the day away and saying Good Morning at 11pm. Jetlag really isn't funny, this I cannot deny. But something lost, is another thing gained. A weekend away from home is also a Monday blue not so blue for me! I could be at the salon with no queue, or at a not-too-crowded cafe people watching, or sitting with my grandma on her couch watching tv all day long.
There are many things in life that makes one feel alive. At 5, being alive may mean going to the playground. At 10, being alive may be being able to go to Orchard Road with friends. At 18, it's going to the club and grinding teenage boys. At 25 right now, I am happy. At 30, I'll probably be bursting with joy when I come home from work and seeing my babies running to me. At 60, bringing my grandkids to eat junk food at McDonald's.
At 80, I'd be telling the little ones around me, that I was a spiker in the volleyball team, I was the dancer that knew hip hop, waacking and reggae. The girl who had showed off her abs while dancing and seduced her old man with her sexy moves. I was the girl that travelled the world, Esther The Explorer whom you'll find on instagram! (if the app is still around 60 years later)
Wheee. It's nice to reflect back on life and things that matter to me.
I think it's important for us all to do so once in a while - to remember what makes us feel alive. Even if you can't do those things now, memories alone can trigger something in you.
What makes you feel alive?
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